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9 nice things | March & April

It is tricky typing this post out today, a) because I massively over predicted how much of a spring day it is, and definitely should not be writing this from the garden armed with an iced (what was I thinking) tea and therefore my hands are going numb making it physically hard to type; and b) because I am not feeling so nice, so writing about nice stuff feels fake and silly and makes this emotionally hard to type. See what I did there.

My crazy irrational panic attacks have definitely made me say no to things and stopped me doing stuff. Sometimes, this can be the right thing to do. Sometimes if I say yes to too much, and rush around too much, all the attempts to be in 2 places at once and not enough time catching up on life admin/sleep/ just doing nothing can mean that too much cortisol (the stress hormone, not as I first thought, a mouthwash brand) pumping around me makes me more likely to feel jittery, and make me more likely to have a panic attack. One of the first things I was told to do when I first started getting help was to just do less. Learn to say no, and put less pressure on myself.

However, sometimes I say no to things because I am scared. Because they take me out of my comfort zone, and make me afraid of being afraid. I always like to tell myself when I say no to something, when I opt out of something that could be fun that it is the former reason and not this one. That I say no because I am looking after myself, I am making my anxiety better, not giving into it and making it worse. Well this weekend I struck out, and there is no way I could argue it was because of the former reason, it was hook line and sinker just me being scared of what might happen in my own head. And I missed out and I let people down and meeurgh.

TV-less Tuesdays

Guys, I have almost formed a new good habit, and so thought I would boast about it around the internet.

For the past 3 months, most weeks on one day (normally a Tuesday) I stay home in the evening but...don't watch TV!

Maybe for some people, this is not that impressive, as they don't love TV like I do. Note however, the reason TV-less days normally occurs on Tuesdays is I am choosing a day I would normally be in. The goal is not to avoid TV one night a week, I mean I know how to spend a weeknight drinking with friends; the goal is to head home from work on time, get home at 6:30 and be in my flat and avoid the TV until bedtime some 4 hours later. See trickier than you first figured. Also add to this that I really love TV, and just fyi not the cool kind. I have never even seen Narcos or the Wire or Entourage. I like shows like Gilmore Girls, Ally McBeal, Pretty Little Liars (guiltily) and when I am feeling really nostalgic, Charmed. I still have the TV taste of an adolscent teenage girl in my 28 year old body.

As much as I love TV however, I worry that it is my procastination monkey's best friend, and whole evenings go by when all I had to do was water the gosh damn plants and call the bank and now it is past my bedtime and I have done neither of those things but I have somehow rewatched for the 3rd time,  40% of season 2 of Parks and Recreation.

Padella inspired spicy sausage, mascarpone and parsley pasta

Lols that the week following my PS where I promised I was back on the "I'll start posting every Sunday again" wagon, I only went and didn't post on a Sunday. My excuse was going to be that I am horrifically jet lagged following my trip to New Orleans, Miami and central America and I am still on Eastern standard time, but if I am on Eastern standard time it would just mean I am posting this only 43 hours late, rather than 48 so, yeah...

Anyhoo here is a "recipe" (I use that word loosely, as this thing is so damn easy to make you can do it even when you have just basically stumbled off a plane and into your kitchen, and are mainly only looking for a vehicle to transport parmesan cheese into your mouth). It was inspired by a bangin' (yes I said that) meal I devoured in Padella in Borough. The queues are long, but the fettucine is all the a-ok hand emoticons. Top tip, go on a rainy Monday at 5 to get a table and it will be the only time you don't have to wait in line.